The Complainer (Part 2 of 6 Difficult People Guide)

In the first post, I laid out three specific difficult personality types. While not an exhaustive list, these represent a few troublesome personality types that managers have to know how to either redirect or correct.

In the next four posts, I would like to look at each of these personalities one by one and try to offer some techniques for dealing with each.

Check Out the Entire Series:

Part 1: A Guide to Dealing with Difficult People - Introduction

Part 2: The Complainer

Part 3: The Sour Attitude

Part 4: The Responsibility Avoider

Part 5: The Spokesperson

Part 6: Engaging and Guiding Difficult People

In this post, we will look at the complainer, but before we do that I want to discuss some general suggestions that will be common for all the personalities types that we will consider.

Basic Points for Dealing With All Personality Types

First, never lose your cool. No matter how frustrated these people make you, always maintain your composure. Do not let them shake you. A fellow manager once said to me about how to think when dealing with a challenging person is, “don’t let them rent space in your head.” This advice was influential in that it helped me to understand that I was giving others the power to upset me. Don’t give others that power.

Second, always treat everybody with respect. Don’t demean or put people down under any circumstance. It gains you nothing, and it only damages relationships, not just with the person you’re dealing with, but with your entire team. People talk, and it will get around quickly if you’re a person who speaks in a derogatory way to people.

Third, always deal with facts and avoid emotion. It is hard to keep our emotions at bay, especially when we are dealing with personalities that push our buttons, but feelings are subjective and hard to defend, while facts are without dispute. Stick to objective facts that you can quantify and present without emotional appeal. Facts keep us out of the realm of opinion.

Techniques Specific to the Complainer

So, let’s get started by looking at techniques for dealing with the complainer. Keep in mind that the person who is a complainer, whether you like it or not, is complaining for a reason. We all have needs that require satisfying, and the complainer is trying to give voice to something lacking. The problem is they tend to do it in a way that is not positive or productive.

Start by trying to determine whether their complaint is valid. Assessing the validity of someone's opinion can be hard to do when the complaining is so frequent that it causes you to disregard the person's complaints.

Keep in my that ignoring them won’t make them go away or change their behavior. So, look at the complaint. If it turns out to be legitimate, great then you can do something about it. Make sure you let the person know that you found their complaint to have validity and what you are doing to correct it. You want to give them positive reinforcement for valid criticisms so that they understand that you will address valid complaints and that there are definite consequences for bringing valid criticisms to light.

What do you do when the criticism is not valid? First, start by gathering facts to support your position. Once you have established the facts, sit down one on one with the complainer. Present the facts to them. They will probably want to distract the conversation by sidetracking it with hearsay and opinion. Don’t let them sidetrack the discussion, always bring them back to the facts. Ask them to present you what they believe to be true. Let them know that when they have factual evidence, you will act on it. Also, make it clear that frivolous complaining will have negative consequences. On this point, you need to be firm. Don’t lose your cool, don’t yell, but don’t bend on what the expectations are regarding acceptable behaviors.

After you have facts, ask them to help come up with a solution to the problem. Keeping them responsible for the answer is key to dealing with a complainer. If they want to complain, then they also need to have a solution to the problem. Every time they bring a complaint to you make sure you ask them what the answer to the issue should be. After a while, they will either quit complaining, because they will realize they need to have a solution, or they will bring you a solution along with their compliant which puts the ownership back on them.

Conclusions

These people thrive on emotion. Don’t let them get you worked up. Keep your cool in your dealings with them and always bring them back to dealing with facts and the reality of the situation. Don’t let them distract with hearsay and opinion. Instead, make them accountable for coming up with a solution to their problem.

While we can’t change complainers, we can manage them by setting clear boundaries, insisting on facts, and holding them accountable for solutions.  Don't let the complainer control the discussion, instead keep them responsible by refocusing them on what is in their control. If you follow these basic tips, you will minimize the adverse effect of this personality type.